You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you have feelings for this penis?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize