she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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