you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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