If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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