the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
