She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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