I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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