Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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