I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
