I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
