When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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