My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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