Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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