Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
