id be glad to
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
