Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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