Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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