At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
