Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
