Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dicks are not precious.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
