Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
