just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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