you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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