he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
