Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
