I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
