im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
