he puts the penis in happiness.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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