someone threw a dead crab at me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
two words: eviction party
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
