i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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