Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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