im drinking this country out of the recession.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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