Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
