do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
