I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
