Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
