can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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