i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
