Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
