You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
