Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
