he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
