Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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