i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
