i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i permit you to call me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
