her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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