Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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