Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
