i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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