you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
