shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
