I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
