I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
