i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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