Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So vagazzling was a success
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
