I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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