If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
