Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
