R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
