Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
