Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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