watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
