Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
