I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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