Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
