I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
