It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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