do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
