have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize