i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
