If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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