It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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