i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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