After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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