I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
