Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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