I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just gargled with NyQuil
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
