lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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