Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize