Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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