Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
