First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
