Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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