dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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