Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
