i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
