Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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