I wish my penis had an off switch
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
