When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
