She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
