hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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