Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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