I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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