pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize