you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
